Interview: A Probate Attorney’s Advice on Common Family Disputes

Family disputes during estate administration are emotionally draining and costly. To shed light on how they arise and how to avoid them, we interviewed Lisa Romero, a probate attorney with over 20 years of experience resolving contentious estates. Below are her observations, practical tips, and stories from the field (names changed to protect privacy).

“Most disputes are not about money alone — they’re about expectations, communication, and perceived fairness.” — Lisa Romero

Q: What are the most common triggers for disputes?

Lisa: Ambiguous documents top the list. When wills or trusts use vague language or fail to reflect current family realities (new marriages, estranged relationships), conflicts follow. Second, expectation mismatch — when family members assume a certain distribution that isn't documented. And third, lack of transparent communication; secrecy breeds suspicion.

Q: Are there early warning signs that a conflict might arise?

Lisa: Yes. If family members are already arguing about small matters, or if there are significant financial dependencies that weren't addressed, tensions can escalate. Also, if the chosen executor is particularly close to some beneficiaries and not others, perceived bias can ignite disputes.

Q: How can people proactively reduce the risk of disputes?

Lisa: Document intentions clearly and update documents regularly. Communicate your plan with beneficiaries in a respectful way so expectations are aligned. Use mediation clauses in planning documents that require disputes to go to mediation before litigation. And consider a neutral professional trustee where impartiality matters.

Q: What about technology — can it help?

Lisa: Absolutely. Shared planning portals, recorded family letters, and accessible inventories reduce ambiguity. But be mindful of privacy: do not post sensitive directives publicly; instead use secure channels and legal tools that reference private vaults.

Q: Any stories that illustrate best practices?

Lisa: I once handled an estate where the decedent left a video explaining intent for each heir and specific reasons for unequal distributions. It prevented a dispute because beneficiaries understood the rationale. In contrast, another estate had decades-old documents that didn't reflect current finances — that case ended up in a costly court battle.

Q: When litigation does occur, what is the usual timeline?

Lisa: Litigation can drag on for months or years, depending on complexity and whether appeals are filed. It’s expensive and often reduces the estate’s value. Mediation can sometimes resolve issues faster and preserve family relationships.

Q: Final practical tips?

Lisa: Keep records, communicate early, and pick fiduciaries who can act with competence and compassion. Consider professional backup trustees or co-trustees to provide checks and balances. And finally, revisit your plan after major life events to ensure documents match your wishes.

Takeaway

Disputes are rarely inevitable. With clear documents, thoughtful communication, and professional design where needed, many common conflicts can be prevented. As Lisa puts it: “A little transparency and planning goes a long way toward protecting both assets and relationships.”